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Romance -- The 10 Biggest Misconceptions
by Bryan Heestand

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for 25 years or are just starting out, we all have our idea of what romance is. Romance is an essential element of every thriving and passionate relationship. Usually relationships start with romance but life has a tendency to interfere with the amount of romance in our lives. I have listed below what I believe to be the 10 biggest misconceptions that people have about Romance:

1. Romance and Sex are the Same Thing: This could not be any further from the truth. Although romance can lead to sex, a person being romantic just for sex will be completely transparent and usually end up completely different than you imagined. Think of Romance as ‘Mental Foreplay’. Romance let’s your loved one know that not only did you just think about them but you made it something they will remember for a very long time.

2. Romance isn’t important in a relationship: Between our jobs, hobbies, and all the other things that life throws at us, our relationship with our partner tends to take a back seat to those things we perceive as more important in life. The reality is that the relationship with our partner is the glue that holds everything else in our life together. Adding Romance to your relationship will not only make it more exciting but also more enjoyable.

3. Being Romantic requires a lot of money: Romance isn’t about how much money you spend on your partner. It’s about trying to make some of their fantasies and dreams come true. Most of the time just opening the door for your partner or complementing them on the way they look will make them feel more loved than buying them an expensive gift.

4. Romance requires a great deal of time and effort: While some aspects of romance can require lots of time, romance is also about the little things that make a big difference in a relationship. A simple thing like leaving a note telling them how much you love and appreciate them on your partner’s pillow to find before bed radiates Romance and takes very little time and effort.

5. Only Women are Romantic: In most relationships, the woman is considered to be more romantic, however this does not have to be the case. Both men and women need to partake in the hunt for romance. The only difference between a romantic person and the unromantic person is the amount of time they devote to doing the little things for their partner and their relationship.

6. Flowers and candy always work: Although flowers and candy are a nice gesture, they are so commonplace. You can still give your partner flowers and candy but spice it up some. Try taking your partner to the place where you first met or kissed and present the flowers and candy to them there. Going that extra step and not stopping at ordinary makes all of the difference when it comes to Romance.

7. You’re either born a romantic or you’re not: The truth is, no one is born with a Romance Gene. Everyone can learn how to become more romantic either from a book, the way your friends or family treat each other, or some other resource. Romance is contagious, as time goes on you want to be more and more romantic towards your partner.

8. Saying ‘I Love You’ is enough: Everyone likes to hear ‘I Love You’ but when it comes to Romance, actions can say more than a thousand words ever will. Being truly romantic is about backing up the words with something your partner will remember. Try writing ‘I Love You’ on the top of the stick of butter with a toothpick before setting it on the table for dinner.

9. Romance takes a lot of preparation: The nice thing about Romance is that there is no exact formula – what one person finds extremely romantic may not be romantic at all to someone else. The key to being Romantic is find out what your partner finds Romantic. Don’t be afraid to ask them, your partner will be glad you did.

10. Being Romantic on Valentines Day and Sweetest Day is enough: Being romantic on the days you are supposed to be is expected. Being romantic all year round on the other hand is vital to the overall health of you relationship. Every successful relationship needs impulsiveness and spontaneity -- it keeps things exciting.

Bryan Heestand is the owner/operator of the vastly popular website is a simple, inexpensive, and convenient way to become more impulsive, spontaneous, and romantic all year long. Not only will remind you to be Romantic via email, they will also send you a Romance tip or idea along with the reminder. Copyright - All rights reserved. This article may be reprinted in full so long as the resource box and the live links are included intact

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-- March Direct Answers
     from Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers appears in newspapers on six continents.

-- Direct Answers by Wayne and Tamara

From Lizabeth:

"My daughter and her boyfriend of five years decided to move to our state from Los Angeles last August. They were supposed to live with us for a short time while they built a small apartment onto our garage.

The move was to help them gain financial stability so they could freely travel. We were okay with this because we missed our daughter terribly and wanted her to come home. We also knew they could help us with our gardening projects.

It was supposed to be a win-win. Unfortunately it has not been pleasant. It is now February and the boyfriend has not even looked for a job. They have not built the apartment and still live in my home with my husband and I.

My daughter still works her job that she had in Los Angeles. We do not ask them to pay for utilities, internet or household bills. However, she does help out some with groceries. They also help with cooking food.

The boyfriend senses our disapproval even though we have not said anything. He lies to his parents and tells them he is working when he is not. Since he is not working, my daughter is paying his bills and anything extra he needs.

Until recently he drank pretty heavily on a daily basis. He quit cold turkey two weeks ago.

My husband is home with them during the day recovering from surgery. He feels like a stranger in his own home. My husband will stay in his office on the computer from the time he gets up until he goes to bed.

My daughter, who is quite bossy, shames my husband by telling him he should get busy and clean, wash dishes and do laundry. The most the boyfriend will do is wash dishes and cook.

The boyfriend casually says hello or goodnight to me, but normally will not speak to my husband unless he asks him something. All other conversations are with my daughter exclusively, in a low tone so no one can hear or join in the conversation. I do not like it.

I have spoken to my daughter about her boyfriend's unemployment and other issues. My daughter says stay out of it, she is an adult and she can handle it. I feel this will forever cause resentment between my daughter and us.

I would like them to move out, but she doesn't want to because he does not have a job. I've had all I can take. I need some advice without causing my daughter to resent us."

Wayne & Tamara's Answer:

"Lizabeth, you want your wisdom tooth pulled, and you also don't want any discomfort.

That's not possible.

The reality is your daughter is more concerned with her boyfriend than she is with how this affects her parents. She knows he is in the wrong yet she defends him. As it now stands, you are enabling your daughter to enable him.

Your daughter's boyfriend moved into your house and showed who he is: lazy, a liar, a freeloader and possibly an alcoholic. Any suggestion of a garage apartment should be nixed. The apartment would be a reward.

Why would you want him on your property when you don't want him in your daughter's life?

Your daughter says she is handling the situation, but she is not. She and her boyfriend are living as children in your home. If she wants to act like the adult she thinks she is, she should realize living rent-free and bill-free discourages her boyfriend from looking for work.

There's a saying, sometimes attributed to Navy Seals, which sticks in our minds. The only way out is through. We agree. Dodging issues never solves anything.

Instead, you and your husband need to schedule their moving day. In her heart your daughter will know you are right.

It's tough…but the only way out is through."

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at

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