JULY ARTICLE OF THE MONTH
12 Ways to Show Your Partner You Care
by Cucan Pemo
There are hundreds of articles and websites devoted to making sure that your partner knows that you love them. However, many of these articles are filled with trite expressions of love that seem clichéd when they're overused. To really show your partner that you care, you need better guidelines and better advice. Here is some advice that you can actually use.
Make coffee/tea in the morning
When you're both waking up in the morning, one of the first things on your minds is probably some sort of drink to get you going. One of the best ways to help get your days off to a great start is to make coffee for your girlfriend or wife. Without having to go to the lengths that breakfast in bed goes to, you will show that the first thing in the morning that you think of is her.
Do a little cleaning
After making coffee in the morning, why not straighten up a little before you head to the shower or to wherever you need to go? You don't have to get out a scrub brush, but taking the time to throw the dishes in the dishwasher and scoop the litter pan can be helpful.
Notice things that are missing
One of the ways to really impress a woman is to do something without being asked. When you've running low on toilet paper, be sure to run out to get some. Running low on milk? Stop at the store on the way home. This shows that you are committed to making your lives run smoothly.
Ask if there's anything that you can do
Many women have mental lists of things that need to be done every day, but will only let you know about them when the list becomes too long. Instead of waiting for the argument that follows, why not ask if there's anything you can do? It saves both of you time and makes a woman feel appreciated for the things that she has done in the past.
Fill up the gas tank
Something that you many guys might not think about is a woman's car. Most women hate to fill up their gas tanks - especially when they're heading to work or when it's raining or snowing - so why not fill it up for her when you notice that it's low? It's simple and certainly something that will be appreciated.
You don't need to be a professional writer in order to show a woman that you care about her. But when you're giving her a card for some occasion, be sure to include your own words in it as well. Women sometimes like to save cards and will cherish the words that you wrote over anything else.
Try to make day dates
Because you're both busy at work, you might want a little break from time to time. Why not make a date in the middle of your work days? Meet for lunch or for dinner once per month to break up your routines and remind each other that there is more to your lives than your paycheck.
Get to know their friends
A woman's friends are a representation of the way that she is when you're not around. If you want to understand her, try to get to know her friends. Your wife or girlfriend will appreciate the way that you show that you care about other important people in her life.
Get to know her family
Just like her friends, a woman's family is the group of people that came long before you. Even if you're not the best fit for their tastes, try to find some common ground that you can share.
Ask if something's wrong
When you notice that something is different about your partner, don't ignore it. Ask if anything is wrong and let her know that you are willing to listen to her and help her if you can.
Remember anniversaries and birthdays
There are plenty of calendar services that can remind you of important days, so there's no reason that you shouldn't be bringing an appropriate gift or bunch of flowers when she's expecting it.
Celebrate the everyday
Realize that anniversaries and birthdays aren't the only times that you can celebrate your relationship - why not surprise her with a short note or a small wildflower every now and then? Expense isn't the point - it's the expression that matters.
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-- July Direct Answers
from Wayne and Tamara
Direct Answers appears in newspapers on six continents.
-- Direct Answers by Wayne and Tamara
"I have been dating a woman for seven years and living with her for three. Reasonably enough, she now wants me either to marry and have a child with her or set her free.
She is gorgeous and I find her even more beautiful and desirable than the day we met. She loves me. She is loyal. She comforts me when I am sad. We hardly ever fight.
But we have always had a disconnect in our libidos. I want sex far more than she does, and I am frustrated at this lack. She has again promised to try better, but her past attempts always petered out after a month or so, as is understandable. It's hard to have sex if you don't want it.
Though I mostly enjoy her conversation, I do not find it thrilling; it is her beauty that thrills me. When I am away for a week or two for work, our daily phone calls often feel like chores.
Despite the relationship's flaws, I have been happier these seven years than ever before. Should I trust that happiness? I had doubts from the start but always pushed past them, been happy and made her happy, too. No relationship is perfect. Yet marriage and parenthood frighten me, though I also fear losing her and being alone.
I suffered violence from loved ones as a child, and it made me avoid relationships. I am almost 44, but this relationship is my first serious one. Before her, I always found excuses to push good women away. I fear I am doing the same now.
If she knew what I was feeling, if she read this letter, she would not marry me. She wants to be fully loved and she deserves it. Perhaps my answer lies there. But I have seen friends marry full of passion and certainty, only to have the marriage fall apart."
Wayne & Tamara's Answer:
"Paul, too much is wrong with your letter. You want a woman who is beautiful and there for you sexually. But you don't enjoy talking to her when you are away. When her beauty goes, what will you be left with?
Nothing in your letter tells us you are in love with her. You are in love with her looks, or more likely, you are aroused by her looks, and that truly is your connection to her. What frustrates you is that this beautiful body won't let you have sex with it whenever you want.
We are not surprised she doesn't want intimacy more often. You don't love her. How could she not sense that? Are you such a great actor she doesn't feel that? You know if she has a child you will get less of what you already feel you aren't getting enough of. You know that beautiful body will be changed by childbirth.
You are with her but not with her. There is no sense of growing old together in your letter. There is no sense she completes you, no sense you can't bear to be away from her. Yet you would rather not make a decision. You would rather keep this model awhile, then go out and get a prettier one. She is the one who needs to make a decision now, before she gets any older.
It may be you need to work on you in order to have a chance to have that connection with someone. But not being able to have that connection with her doesn't mean you have a right to deprive her of that connection with someone else.
Be kind to her. Let her hear the sentence in your letter you do not want her to hear, so she can be free."
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801
or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com
Read an interview with Wayne and Tamara at: http://datingthread.com/wayne-and-tamara