-- August Direct Answers
from Wayne and Tamara
Direct Answers appears in newspapers on six continents.
-- Direct Answers by Wayne and Tamara
"A year and a half ago I read your email once, then immediately shut down my laptop because you were the first people to ever give me the truth about my situation and I simply couldn't handle it.
I want to give you an update. I indeed broke up with my girlfriend. She still does not know I am gay, but I am trying to work on the next steps. I created an online profile with a blurred picture, explaining my situation and looking for other closeted men. I've only had one or two responses, but I'm hopeful.
Because of you I understand who I am. You saved my ex-girlfriend's life and mine, as without you, I would have married her and gone on for years with this secret.
I may not be ready to come out tomorrow, but I'm doing all I can to one day make myself comfortable. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for your help."
Wayne & Tamara's Answer:
"Jake, when you wrote the first time, you were engaged to an incredibly beautiful woman who was head over heels in love with you. She was expecting a ring, but you knew your attraction has always been to men.
You were an expert at fooling everyone and terrified at the prospect of being the subject of gossip on Facebook. "Guess who's gay?" You ended your letter saying, "I need a hand to hold and somebody to talk to."
The trouble with online, anonymous relationships is you don't know whose hand you will find. Wanting to hide your identity can attract the wrong person, and showing you won't be open can turn off the one you seek.
Try this instead. Pick out a good therapist and talk to them, simply for the experience of sitting down with someone face-to-face. Talking to a professional, in confidence, who won't out you before you are ready, can be invaluable.
This doesn't need to involve lengthy therapy, because really there is nothing wrong with you. You are just revealing more of yourself to the world.
Think of it as training wheels to say, "I'm gay."
One step at a time, no step too big. Usually people hold on to secrets because they fear the reaction of others, without realizing most others will be sympathetic.
More and more we live in a "I'm straight, he's gay, who cares" world.
We salute your courage in breaking off the engagement. You did your girlfriend an enormous kindness. Now do an enormous kindness for yourself."
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at http://www.WayneAndTamara.com
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801
or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com
Read an interview with Wayne and Tamara at: http://datingthread.com/wayne-and-tamara