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Dating Tips - Do You make These Classic Dating Mistakes?
by Emily Heart

Sometimes, an otherwise pleasurable date can seem to go awry for no apparent reason. Here are the minor slip-ups and mistakes which could be holding you back from dating success.

Looking over your date's shoulder

Is there something fascinating going on immediately behind your date? Perhaps a waiter slipped dramatically on a banana-skin, or George Clooney is sitting opposite Cameron Diaz and they are both wearing elaborate hats. Let it go. Looking over your date's shoulder will come across as rude, and the person you are dating will feel offended and think you are not interested in them.

Talking about the ex

Imagine you move into a new house and discover it's still full of the previous resident's belongings -- a bit of a disappointment and a lot of hard work ahead trying to deal with all that old baggage. This is similar to the feeling a person will get when dating someone who is still preoccupied with thoughts of their ex. Discussions about exes should be kept between friends, your dating partner really doesn't need to know.

Dirty fingernails

When dating someone new, it's important to be spotlessly clean. Dirty fingernails would not matter so much among friends or in a long-term relationship, but on a first date they are off-putting as they imply generally poor hygiene and are not very nice to look at over dinner. As with most dating tips, context is important - if your first date happens to be an afternoon of strawberry-picking, dirty fingernails will be less of an issue!

Not listening

Dating can be nerve-wracking, and it often seems like the most important thing is to keep the conversation going and avoid awkward silences, whatever the cost. But trying to come up with something new and brilliant to say while your date is talking is a big mistake. On their side, realising the person they are dating hasn't really listened to a word they've said will be frustrating. Instead, listen carefully to what your date says and make considered responses.


Again a common response to nervousness, constant fiddling or shifting about in your seat will make you appear distracted and restless, which is not a good look when dating. It can be helpful to put your hands on your lap or clasp them together to reduce the urge to fiddle, leaving your date to concentrate on more important things, like what you are saying.

Talking about work

It's always interesting to know what someone does for a living. However, most jobs are filled with industry-specific jargon and information which is so niche that it doesn't mean anything to someone outside of the particular area of work. You might have spent all day compiling the 'WENUS' (Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems), but your dating partner will probably never have heard of such a thing, and the whole subject will be lost on them. Be very wary about talking too much about your job, and try to keep the discussion to areas you both have experience in.

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Free Erotic Excerpt Story Gallery (short, sexy excerpts)

Ecstasy Bound
Her Winged Mates
Lord Viper
Wanton Temptation
Brazen Moon
Hot on Her Tail
G-String Gentleman
Xmas Affair
Wanton Desire
Virgin Seeks Bad-Ass Boy
Flames of Arousal
His Carnal Need
Project: Silhouette
One Naughty Winter Night
Craving Lady Starr
Into the Storm
Her Feral Destiny
The Corset & The Cowboy
Adam 483: Man or Machine?
Diamond Studs
Her Feral Mates
Her Feral Pack
Sins of Adaven
Wanton Surrender
Young Stud
Her Feral Destiny
Candy Valentine

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-- August Direct Answers
     from Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers appears in newspapers on six continents.

-- Direct Answers by Wayne and Tamara

From Jake:

"A year and a half ago I read your email once, then immediately shut down my laptop because you were the first people to ever give me the truth about my situation and I simply couldn't handle it.

I want to give you an update. I indeed broke up with my girlfriend. She still does not know I am gay, but I am trying to work on the next steps. I created an online profile with a blurred picture, explaining my situation and looking for other closeted men. I've only had one or two responses, but I'm hopeful.

Because of you I understand who I am. You saved my ex-girlfriend's life and mine, as without you, I would have married her and gone on for years with this secret.

I may not be ready to come out tomorrow, but I'm doing all I can to one day make myself comfortable. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for your help."

Wayne & Tamara's Answer:

"Jake, when you wrote the first time, you were engaged to an incredibly beautiful woman who was head over heels in love with you. She was expecting a ring, but you knew your attraction has always been to men.

You were an expert at fooling everyone and terrified at the prospect of being the subject of gossip on Facebook. "Guess who's gay?" You ended your letter saying, "I need a hand to hold and somebody to talk to."

The trouble with online, anonymous relationships is you don't know whose hand you will find. Wanting to hide your identity can attract the wrong person, and showing you won't be open can turn off the one you seek.

Try this instead. Pick out a good therapist and talk to them, simply for the experience of sitting down with someone face-to-face. Talking to a professional, in confidence, who won't out you before you are ready, can be invaluable.

This doesn't need to involve lengthy therapy, because really there is nothing wrong with you. You are just revealing more of yourself to the world.

Think of it as training wheels to say, "I'm gay."

One step at a time, no step too big. Usually people hold on to secrets because they fear the reaction of others, without realizing most others will be sympathetic.

More and more we live in a "I'm straight, he's gay, who cares" world.

We salute your courage in breaking off the engagement. You did your girlfriend an enormous kindness. Now do an enormous kindness for yourself."

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801
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